Dupedbizzle

Ok peeps. .so here it is I’ve just got to get this one off my chest for fear that if I don’t a crime will be committed. Someone will be strangled, With. My. Bare. Hands.

Here’s the deal. We all spring clean every now and again and come across bits and pieces that we have never used or used but will never use again, have been given as presents and just don’t know what we are supposed to do with, loved and used but now need to replace or (sadly) just don’t have the space to store anymore so we muster up the energy and decide to sell. We could easily drop them off at some charity bin or wait until one of our do-gooder neighbours (not criticising these people just sad I’ll never be one of them) decide to hold some sort of collection in order to sell things to collect enough money to send over to some war torn, impoverished sub Saharan country etc etc. But no, for whatever reason (the possibility of a little extra cash maybe? To clear out space? To help pay for the super swanky upgrade version of what we are replacing perhap?) we decide to attempt to sell on some online portal that seems to be the way everyone else does it. Easy right? Yep get the ad up, upload some pics, type in your details, publish! And hey presto your ad has gone live. .done! Or so you think. Now wouldn’t it be easy if that was it. Someone calls you wanting to buy it, you meet up, exchange goods for money and boom thank you m’am. But nooo little did you know that setting up the ad is the easy part.

Now for the fielding of calls, texts and emails at all hours. Yes you heard me, beep-beep through the night. Why isn’t my phone on silent I hear you ask? Something to with parents living so far away I like to be contactable 247 just in case. Why did I publish my phone number? I was given a “tip” that this was the “quickest” way to sell stuff. And why did I bother uploading a photograph AND specifying the price I hear you ask?? I have no idea because every other texs is asking me to a. Describe my goods and secondly b. “last price?”

Describe my product?? Look at the photos and description and google it if you still need more info. Last price??? What is this? A Marrakesh Souk? I’m a busy mum. I barely have enough time to text/email my friends and family back home so not looking for a text buddy nor am I looking to engage in some pitiful negotiation over something that is going well under market value for the sake of the sport of haggling. If something is priced at 150 dhs for goodness sake do not send me a one-liner saying “50 dhs and I’ll pick it up tomorrow”. Ummm??? Excuse me?? What part of 50 dhs is even close to my original asking price?? Go back to the classifieds section and find something within your budget. Quit wasting everybody’s time. So having uploaded and published my ad for some sort of climbing frame cum swing cum kids all in one outdoor activity centre to be referred to as Toy going forward (that cost me a small fortune when I decided to purchase it brand new. .now don’t get me started on the rip off factor here. .but nonetheless I did it. It took up far too much space, collected more than its fair share of dust and debris and ceased to become of interest to the kids after 3 months. A bad investment. In any case realising my product had depreciated in value I advertised it for a poultry 800 dhs based on the fact less than 12 months ago I parted with 1,700. After having fielded a few ridiculous offers of sub 500 and by fielded I mean ignored. .also ignored those who started to place demands of “can you transport and assemble”. .who were they thinking they were buying from?? Not even IKEA would bother. Finally I felt I’d been targeted by the right sort “Hi. .saw your add. .if still available I’m interested!”

After much deliberation over timings, directions etc said Potential Purchaser (from now on to be referred to as PP) turns up at 8am on a Friday morning. Nice car, well dressed, well groomed (clearly quite well moneyed) and socially very engaging. Ok so maybe I can make friends out of this. . Next step once the small chat is over and the real purpose for the visit is tackled the goods are shown in their full glory having been thoroughly washed, scrubbed and displayed. PP walks slowly around with hand under chin as though in deep thought (it’s not a house purchase honey. .) but I silently chide myself, she’s thorough that’s all or perhaps trying to think where to hide it once home so that the hubby doesn’t see it immediately and demand to know why, when, do we really need yet another blah blah blah. Can relate to the latter. .former not really. .tend to be slightly more impulsive but hey-ho . .but noo she then proceeds to turn around and ask “so. .what was the price. .” Alarm bells ring (shouldn’t you already know this? You saw it on the ad, texted me about it AND spoke on the phone.) Politely I repeat it to which I hear a quiet “hmmm. . .is that the last price .. .?” Mustering all that is good in me I reply with a slightly over controlled voice for fear of the inner me lashing out at this woman “yes price is FIRST and LAST” ” without acceptance of this PP commences thinking out loud; will her kids will get “monies worth” out of Toy. . will they outgrow it too soon, will the weather render it useless in a short space of time etc all the while I’m just standing with a permanent half smile. I wonder if she deliberated this much before the purchase of her car? I wonder if she got her “monies worth” out of it? Such rhetorical questions clearly aimed at trying to wear me down psychologically but I stood my ground and didn’t make a sound. Then she turned to me and asked if I thought Toy will fit in her car (or massively overgrown SUV to be precise). Of course I say. Once dismantled it will pack very small and will easily fit; however, I’ll not do that unless you are certain you want it as it takes some time and will require the help of (dare I say it) a strong male. Let’s go ahead she says, I’m convinced. .as I go in the house to summon up some man power in the shape of my brother, PP disappears in her car to make some oh so essential phone calls. The bank? Not on a Friday. .not over 800 dhs surely? The hubby? Really? What could possibly be so pressing as to pull her away at this point. Clearly it’s the prospect of damaging the manicured nails that is the issue (has she not heard of gelish?) so ignoring this I proceed to dismantle Toy with my brother (this will require a special brunch as a way of saying thanks it is after all only 8.15am on a weekend and he’s flown in from the US just 5 hours ago. .jetlagged, disorientated, confused. .last nights leftovers just wont cut it. .there goes three quarters of the money I’m about to get).

Thirty minutes later all dismantled and nicely packed into PP’s car. Brother and I resembling a pair who’ve been on a run in desert midsummer heat PP looking even more manicured and groomed standing next to us. Never mind. I just need to get rid of this thing and the extra cash could come in handy. . so when PP turns around to me and says “I’ve only got a 500 note .I’m sorry. .how do you feel at settling on that” Its takes all my will power not to slap her, punch her, pull her long coiffed hair and scream how about we settle on NOOOOO! Clearly my expression didn’t betray me as her next comment almost killed me “so..is that a yes. ? Go on you know you want to. . ?”

I wasn’t sure what annoyed me more, her deliberate and underhand attempt at manipulating the whole situation from start to finish . .. or, her pathetic attempt of haggling. People please. .let’s leave haggling to the pros. Some people (dare I say it not Westerners) are by far superior in this art form and trust me it is an form of art because a good haggler will bring you right down without you even realising it and by the end of the exchange you’ll feel thrilled to have just parted with your goods, any cash received will feel like a bonus. But lady in question was far from a pro. She was insulting. And time wasting. One bit of advice, don’t turn up at my house in your luxury, oversized SUV looking like you spend most of your free time at the beauty salon, to purchase something for 800dhs and allege you only have 500 on you. The last time someone bought something off of me he turned up in a car that looked barely road worthy, dressed in what must have been someone else’s suit (completely ill fitting, totally wrong style but nonetheless ten points for effort and an attempt at looking presentable) and had driven across at least two emirates in order to get to me. In that case I actually felt I owed the poor soul a meal, a drink and the goods for free. I was almost hoping he would haggle at this point so that I could just say “you know what. .just have it. .”. To have offered him the goods for anything less than what we had agreed by text at this stage would have been insulting to him. And to this day I receive texts of thanks for the item he bought which has apparently changed his life.

After the effort of disassembling toy, wiping it dry and carefully placing in PP’s car I didn’t have the energy to take it all out and reassemble it (not to mention waking brother up again for this part) only to have to go through something similar on another day with yet another lost cause? So begrudgingly I took the 500 and waved PP off - me with a half smile, she with a wink, flick of the hair and wave.

So people, do us all a favour. If you’re serious about buying through classifieds pages then by all means do it. .call, text and make that plunge in the knowledge that if it say it’s “used” it’s not brand new, it is not in perfect condition and no we will not reduce the price because of flaws, scratches or fact it is used. The description has already stated this information and the price reflects said condition.. .and no we are not a charity if we wanted to be charitable we would not be advertising it to sell and give you the benefit of our charitable nature! And if you really can’t resist the urge to haggle then give the souks a go. They expect it and are better able to deal with it. Don’t waste our time. .and do bizzle off!

Jaded? Defeated? I hear you say. .? Not so. .30 minutes after PP left (the time I knew would place her back ather home) I called “hi. .you bought the Toy off of me. .you forgot the ziplock bag full of the 75+ nails and bits and pieces which you’ll need to put Toy back together plus the 30 page instruction booklet. .how about I keep it here for you and once you have the 300 dhs balance you can come and collect it.”

Sweet Revenge I say.